Don’t discuss politics or religion. Not with your family, not at the dinner table, certainly not at a party. It’s not polite. It might not be polite, but difficult conversations is necessary.
Not talking about something is problematic. By raising generations of people to not participate in necessary discussions about topics that actually impact their lives we have bred a lot of fear and ignorance. And trying to start communicating from a position of fear and ignorance is hard.
Now if you are looking at social media, you’re probably seeing lots of people talking about politics and religion. But are you? Are people talking about it? Talking to each other about these topics? Or are people lecturing, bullying, and preaching about their love or hatred of individuals?
I listened to a Munk Debate on CBC Radio recently. Four people debating one issue – “What you call political correctness, I call progress…” The whole debate was very captivating, and what I continued to be struck by was the general inability of three of the debaters to stick to the topic and debate it. They spent so much time slinging mud at one another because they disagreed that they missed the opportunity to really delve into the issue. Remarkable. Click here if you want to listen for yourself.
This is what I observe when I watch political debates and what I observe when I watch “discussions” (and I use that term loosely) on social media about challenging subjects. We have lost – or did we ever have – the ability to discuss an issue with someone who disagrees with us. We don’t listen with an open mind, and we far too easily fall into the trap of attacking the person rather than explore the issue.
What is standing in our way?
How do we solve this problem? And I believe we have to solve it. The world is becoming a scary silo-ed place. On the left and right sides of the argument, people want to build walls to protect what they value as precious. It’s as if people think that by just talking about something – a new idea, an opposing position – that what they value will disappear.
A boyfriend once said to me “there is no single conversation that can end our relationship.” I remember this being so eye-opening. We were fighting and I was being indirect, not saying what I felt or meant, for fear that he would stop loving me and break up with me. It seems silly to write that now, but that’s how I felt, and I believe many people feel this way. After this statement was uttered, we started communicating more honestly, more calmly, and more fairly. We listened more to each other and communicated more effectively. And what he said was true. We did break up and it was a long process that involved many conversations. We negotiated our way out of being lovers and remained friends. This idea that you can’t break something with a single conversation is very powerful. Perhaps it can give more people courage to talk – really talk – about the things that matter.
What if we don’t start talking?
If we don’t start talking, I am genuinely afraid for society. The current political and religious climate is so divisive. We are limiting conversation daily. I can’t help but draw a connection to Ontario’s new Premier, who has cancelled new updated curriculum in schools because he and the people who support him don’t want children to talk about their bodies and how to protect them. The issue isn’t about what they are learning, but who is allowed to have the conversation about it. Placing limits on conversation. This is the wrong direction.
What can you do?
Talk to someone you disagree with. Don’t attack their position, ask questions. Why do they believe in it? Why does it matter to them? Then share your perspective about your position. The aim is not to agree. The aim is to listen and to talk.
Start the conversation.
