Questions.
Questions are one of the most powerful tools a successful communicator uses.
Have you ever needed to reprimand someone who reports to you? A few years ago I worked for a company where I had the privilege of managing a group of amazing coaches. On this particular day several of them were coaching clients (Financial Advisors) by phone. I poked my head in the room at one point to see how the day was progressing. I overheard something that caught my attention. My coach and the client were in mid-conversation. What I heard was my coach soliciting this client. Suggesting they meet. My coach wasn’t drumming up business for the company. This was clearly something on the side. I listened a few minutes more. When the coach was finished she had a bit of paperwork to complete. I asked her to come see me when she was done.
Preparation
In the 5-10 minutes before our conversation, I thought about what I heard and what I wanted to say to this coach about her inappropriate behaviour. I jotted down notes about what I wanted to make sure to discuss in our meeting. I was feeling angry and betrayed. I knew I couldn’t begin the conversation like that. When she walked in, I explained that I wanted to talk with her about something I overheard her say when I was in the room. I quoted back what I had heard and – this is the important part – I asked her to tell me about the conversation and how what I heard fit into the coaching she was giving.
She looked horrified. And then she laughed. “Oh my Goodness! You think I was trying to steal business!”. “That’s what it sounded like.” I replied. She explained that she was using a roleplaying technique as part of her coaching. At that moment she was playing the role of a Financial Advisor and she had asked the Financial Advisor to play the role of the customer so that he could put himself in the shoes of his clients. We both laughed.
I changed tactics. I asked her about how that worked as a coaching strategy and we used our discussion as a coaching conversation for her (and my) professional development.
Questions are crucial
Without questions I would have accused my direct report. Without questions, I would have damaged a working relationship. Without questions I would have become that awful boss who jumps to conclusions. Asking questions helped me to make sense of what I heard. Asking questions turned a difficult conversation into a productive one.
It is so easy to decide that you know everything. Unfortunately, behaving as if you know everything means you probably don’t.
If you need to have a difficult conversation, try my FAQS technique:
FACT – State a fact about what you need to discuss.
ASK – Ask a question to learn more about the situation.
QUESTION MORE – Continue to ask questions until you feel you have a grasp on the whole picture.
SOLVE TOGETHER – Together, discuss solutions.
FAQS
Even if you think you know, you probably don’t. FAQS help. Every time.
